Some time ago, I had some friends over. We had been drinking somewhat (just to give some background to the story) and were looking for a simple game to play, and one suggested we start playing Texas Hold 'Em Poker. I tried to sit through the rules, but got fed up and left the game. Acted like an ass, kinda, which is why I brought up the alcohol - and also why I've been thinking recently about why I have such a strong reaction against poker and other gambling games.
I think it's the competition. I play games to have fun with my friends, and gambling - even harmless gambling, like valueless poker chips - puts me in an antagonistic mood. Do you see people at these 'World Series of Poker' games talking to each other, laughing and having a good time of the game? It's all focused on the competition and the payoff. It angers me, because it corrupts our hobby and draws good potential players away, teaching them that the purpose of the game is to win, not to play.
That's how I roll, really. I'll play simple versions of blackjack and poker, and other games, but if chips come out, I'm out. I don't want to sit silent around the table, glaring at my opponents and trying to call their bluff. I want to laugh and have a good time. I do have some games where bluffing and hiding are part of the game, but in those games, the need to bluff is often tied to a specific opportunity or event - not the entire game. With poker, at least for me, there's no room to relax. Because I get into the competition. I get focused on the win. And I hate who I become.
We were playing a game of Twilight Imperium at a recent con, and one of the con staff gave me a TI3 poster as a prize for the winner. Immediately I became cutthroat - I was ready to pounce on a new player's undefended home system - and the game stopped being fun. (I miss that poster, too. While prizes are cool, I miss that the con just sprung it on me without warning, and I'm also annoyed that I didn't get anything special for running the game for 24 hours, while joe random who just stumbled upon the game walked away with an awesome prize.)
So, that's some explanation there, of how a person can love games of all kinds, but loathe competition and gambling. I hope my hobby never becomes mainstream.
Sunday, June 24, 2007
Saturday, June 16, 2007
The Job Hunt
FFG got back to me. They've got a little test, some ad copy for their website (hypothetically), which I think will be no problem. I just need some time alone to do that. Things are looking up...this will still require moving to Minnesota, I think, but as I said four posts ago, I'd rather go across the country to do what I love than get locked down at a bank or something hideously boring around here.
To some extent, I wonder if I would end up loving any job. If I'm just scared of finance and such because they sound boring. Then I realize that I volunteered to run two all-night games at a convention; that I'm playing FFG games for over 24 hours near-consecutively over the next few days. This is not a glitch or fad for me; this is not youthful immaturity. This is what I love.
To some extent, I wonder if I would end up loving any job. If I'm just scared of finance and such because they sound boring. Then I realize that I volunteered to run two all-night games at a convention; that I'm playing FFG games for over 24 hours near-consecutively over the next few days. This is not a glitch or fad for me; this is not youthful immaturity. This is what I love.
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Better days
Things went better today. I got less cranky when I got some sleep. Also, with the computer crisis averted (or at least forgotten), I didn't have that hanging over my head.
More later, perhaps? I hope to get to bed reasonably early tonight (although that just means, like, 2am.)
More later, perhaps? I hope to get to bed reasonably early tonight (although that just means, like, 2am.)
What a hassle, man
Yesterday was a bit of a hassle. It started off strong - a trip to the mall where I found some fun stuff for low prices.
When I got back home, I was tooling around on my friend's computer, and thinking about how he's been complaining about lots of little system quirks - his mouse locking up, computer crashing during games, network disconnecting and such. I know computers a bit better than him, so I decided to see if I could fix a few of these, mainly by downloading more current drivers for everything.
The problem was really Microsoft. His video card driver wanted the .Net framework to be installed, and to do that, I went and used Microsoft's automatic updates. I don't think he's updated his computer in...well, ever. So it installed like 60 security patches - that's good. But it also slipped in new versions of Internet Explorer and Windows Media Player.
Around that time, my friend came home, and...well, there were just little things out of place that he immediately picked up on. To start with, his favorites for IE went away. (After I got him to calm down and let me sit down at the computer, I found them tucked safely in a subfolder.) Windows gave him a popup about security. The icons of his media files changed. He had a bit less disk space. All these little things that are mostly meaningless and easily fixed, but drove him nuts because he had everything set up -just so-.
I mean, I don't blame him. It was my bad, I poked buttons I shouldn't have. What bothered me was that he'd freak out about easy things, and not give me a chance to fix them. Like the issue with his media icons changing. Easy fix - download a new icon you like, and change the file association.
The big issue was Windows Media Player 10. That installed, and he was used to WMP9. So I had to go hunting around the internet until I found a site that showed how to use the registry to roll back to WMP9 from 10. I think the skin still changed. I asked him why he wanted WMP9 so much, and it was just Microsoft vitriol - 'I know 9, but I don't know what 10 will do'. But, I got that taken care of.
Now I just have to hope that nothing else goes wrong. I think I got everything back the way it was. I'm just pissed at myself, the computer geek of sorts, messing up everything I didn't have a right to mess with. Really, all I did was update his system and close a ton of security holes, but I shouldn't have done it if he didn't want it.
Anyway, last night turned into an all-nighter. Not by choice, mind you. The computer is in the room where I sleep, so it's harder to politely excuse myself. For some reason, I've never been able to just tell this friend 'no, I don't want to watch X or stay up all night doing Y.' Maybe that's why I like hanging out with him, he challenges me. But he just leaves you with no gaps to break away from a conversation, even if that conversation is going on until 8am. I finally just laid down and went to slepe, because I was damned tired. I'm not a teenager anymore; I still pull all-nighters, but it's under the conditions of my choosing. Still, it's good training for when I run that all-night game at the convention on Friday. Maybe after that I can start going to bed at, like, midnight, and waking up earlier in the morning. I'd like that better.
When I got back home, I was tooling around on my friend's computer, and thinking about how he's been complaining about lots of little system quirks - his mouse locking up, computer crashing during games, network disconnecting and such. I know computers a bit better than him, so I decided to see if I could fix a few of these, mainly by downloading more current drivers for everything.
The problem was really Microsoft. His video card driver wanted the .Net framework to be installed, and to do that, I went and used Microsoft's automatic updates. I don't think he's updated his computer in...well, ever. So it installed like 60 security patches - that's good. But it also slipped in new versions of Internet Explorer and Windows Media Player.
Around that time, my friend came home, and...well, there were just little things out of place that he immediately picked up on. To start with, his favorites for IE went away. (After I got him to calm down and let me sit down at the computer, I found them tucked safely in a subfolder.) Windows gave him a popup about security. The icons of his media files changed. He had a bit less disk space. All these little things that are mostly meaningless and easily fixed, but drove him nuts because he had everything set up -just so-.
I mean, I don't blame him. It was my bad, I poked buttons I shouldn't have. What bothered me was that he'd freak out about easy things, and not give me a chance to fix them. Like the issue with his media icons changing. Easy fix - download a new icon you like, and change the file association.
The big issue was Windows Media Player 10. That installed, and he was used to WMP9. So I had to go hunting around the internet until I found a site that showed how to use the registry to roll back to WMP9 from 10. I think the skin still changed. I asked him why he wanted WMP9 so much, and it was just Microsoft vitriol - 'I know 9, but I don't know what 10 will do'. But, I got that taken care of.
Now I just have to hope that nothing else goes wrong. I think I got everything back the way it was. I'm just pissed at myself, the computer geek of sorts, messing up everything I didn't have a right to mess with. Really, all I did was update his system and close a ton of security holes, but I shouldn't have done it if he didn't want it.
Anyway, last night turned into an all-nighter. Not by choice, mind you. The computer is in the room where I sleep, so it's harder to politely excuse myself. For some reason, I've never been able to just tell this friend 'no, I don't want to watch X or stay up all night doing Y.' Maybe that's why I like hanging out with him, he challenges me. But he just leaves you with no gaps to break away from a conversation, even if that conversation is going on until 8am. I finally just laid down and went to slepe, because I was damned tired. I'm not a teenager anymore; I still pull all-nighters, but it's under the conditions of my choosing. Still, it's good training for when I run that all-night game at the convention on Friday. Maybe after that I can start going to bed at, like, midnight, and waking up earlier in the morning. I'd like that better.
Monday, June 11, 2007
Anime
For the next few weeks, I'm staying with a friend in Arizona. It's kind of like looking into myself, a few years ago. You see, he's really into anime. Posters on the walls, kitsch all over the place. I used to be the same way, but a few years ago I just gave it all up - right about the time I came back from Japan, actually.
Moods change, interests change, but anime I dropped like a brick. I think a lot of it was going to Japan, and realizing that Japan isn't anything special - just another group of humans trying to get by. And a lot of it was watching anime as it was broadcast on Japanese TV - the newest of the new releases - and realizing that it was the same shows I'd seen before, formulaic crap.
I know a lot of it is nostalgia, but I can't stand this modern crop of anime girls. Cutesy names and exaggerated expressions. One we watched today has a protagonist in third grade, and I just can't accept that. I was an idiot in third grade. Give me an adult character any day.
And the anime crowd is just creepier and creepier. Fetishes don't make you cute. Furries, boy-on-boy comics, pedophilia...I don't mind the fetish, but wearing it on your sleeve is annoying. For a lot of these people, their fetish is their personality. Look, if you don't want me to care that you're a furry, then develop a personality that doesn't center around that one point.
Mostly, I just wish this friend of mine would develop some interests outside of anime. I feel kind of bad about it, because I introduced him to anime a long time ago, and it's kind of taken him over. We used to watch stuff like The Cannonball Run, but now it's Magical Lyrical Nanoha or something like that. He spent a few hours just showing me AMVs and pictures he had on his computer. I just couldn't build up the nerve to tell him I just didn't frickin' care. Partially because I was once him - I could spend days just looking at art books and debating this character versus that. But some people grow up, expand their hobbies, keep anime as an interest but learn about new things. I think I've done that. And some people pay $50 on Ebay for a $2.50 doll from Japan. Sigh...you wouldn't have so many financial difficulties if you stopped buying all that useless kitsch.
Oh, one other mini-rant. Anime music videos. What a load of bull. There have been some good ones in the past - I've seen a beautiful tribute to Hayao Miyazaki done to The Mummer's Dance. But a lot of these are just stupid, and not funny. Look, it's the audio to the Fight Club trailer, but with Pokemon! Look, it's The Recruit, with Evangelion! I can't stand them. They're so awful. I think the big thing is that some signals got crossed, and people started thinking that combining the audio from The Fast and the Furious with some driving anime was real creativity. Now, I'm speaking as a person who did a few AMVs in the past, but it was something new and exciting then. I don't think I'd want to be a part of that scene now.
The one thing that watching anime is doing, though, is making me want to draw. In part it's realizing that I still have stories to tell, and a medium to tell them - I just need to put the effort in. Another part is realizing that I like my characters, personalities, and designs more than the new shows I'm seeing. I want to put my pencil to paper and see Beri staring back at me - I instantly know all about him, who he is, what he needs.
(And yeah, I'm starting to really regret giving the character a Mary Sue name. He was sort of a self-insertion character - a friend and I decided to talk about and draw what we'd be like in the Magic universe. But it kinda grates on me. Maybe I'll edit that out in a future strip or something. I do like my other characters - Paige and Kylie are favorites to write and draw, although I ought to give them more depth. I could do better if I could be hosed to script and storyboard my stuff beforehand, but that drains all the spontenaity out of drawing, and that's why I enjoy drawing in the first place.)
Oh, as an aside, I was thinking about why I dislike Collectable Card Games today. One thing that really gets me angry is when the rules change. Just in general. Like the way I lost the Comcast job - I did my part according to the rules, and they changed the rules. One of the things I hate about driving is that there's all these rules, and also all these situations that supercede them. Anyway, what keeps CCGs fresh for other people is a disaster for me. Constant infusions of new cards and new rules mean frustration. That's why I haven't played Magic in ten years - I have a deck, I know the rules, but I'm afraid of what I'll encounter from my opponent. Split cards? Immunity to damage? Phasing? Kicker? If I can't predict my opponent, I might as well be playing a brick wall.
As a closing, I should mention that I actually really like this unnamed friend quite a bit. He's a good guy, and we've been hanging around for years. I'm glad he's got a strong interest. It's just kind of frustrating nowadays that we're not exactly into the same things anymore. Well, on the upside, his parents have a huge DVD collection, so maybe I can catch up on some western movies while I'm here. I'm thinking of rewatching the whole Star Wars saga. And I'm going to get the Firefly box set for his parents - his dad's been talking about how he likes Cowboy Bebop, so I think he'll love Firefly.
Moods change, interests change, but anime I dropped like a brick. I think a lot of it was going to Japan, and realizing that Japan isn't anything special - just another group of humans trying to get by. And a lot of it was watching anime as it was broadcast on Japanese TV - the newest of the new releases - and realizing that it was the same shows I'd seen before, formulaic crap.
I know a lot of it is nostalgia, but I can't stand this modern crop of anime girls. Cutesy names and exaggerated expressions. One we watched today has a protagonist in third grade, and I just can't accept that. I was an idiot in third grade. Give me an adult character any day.
And the anime crowd is just creepier and creepier. Fetishes don't make you cute. Furries, boy-on-boy comics, pedophilia...I don't mind the fetish, but wearing it on your sleeve is annoying. For a lot of these people, their fetish is their personality. Look, if you don't want me to care that you're a furry, then develop a personality that doesn't center around that one point.
Mostly, I just wish this friend of mine would develop some interests outside of anime. I feel kind of bad about it, because I introduced him to anime a long time ago, and it's kind of taken him over. We used to watch stuff like The Cannonball Run, but now it's Magical Lyrical Nanoha or something like that. He spent a few hours just showing me AMVs and pictures he had on his computer. I just couldn't build up the nerve to tell him I just didn't frickin' care. Partially because I was once him - I could spend days just looking at art books and debating this character versus that. But some people grow up, expand their hobbies, keep anime as an interest but learn about new things. I think I've done that. And some people pay $50 on Ebay for a $2.50 doll from Japan. Sigh...you wouldn't have so many financial difficulties if you stopped buying all that useless kitsch.
Oh, one other mini-rant. Anime music videos. What a load of bull. There have been some good ones in the past - I've seen a beautiful tribute to Hayao Miyazaki done to The Mummer's Dance. But a lot of these are just stupid, and not funny. Look, it's the audio to the Fight Club trailer, but with Pokemon! Look, it's The Recruit, with Evangelion! I can't stand them. They're so awful. I think the big thing is that some signals got crossed, and people started thinking that combining the audio from The Fast and the Furious with some driving anime was real creativity. Now, I'm speaking as a person who did a few AMVs in the past, but it was something new and exciting then. I don't think I'd want to be a part of that scene now.
The one thing that watching anime is doing, though, is making me want to draw. In part it's realizing that I still have stories to tell, and a medium to tell them - I just need to put the effort in. Another part is realizing that I like my characters, personalities, and designs more than the new shows I'm seeing. I want to put my pencil to paper and see Beri staring back at me - I instantly know all about him, who he is, what he needs.
(And yeah, I'm starting to really regret giving the character a Mary Sue name. He was sort of a self-insertion character - a friend and I decided to talk about and draw what we'd be like in the Magic universe. But it kinda grates on me. Maybe I'll edit that out in a future strip or something. I do like my other characters - Paige and Kylie are favorites to write and draw, although I ought to give them more depth. I could do better if I could be hosed to script and storyboard my stuff beforehand, but that drains all the spontenaity out of drawing, and that's why I enjoy drawing in the first place.)
Oh, as an aside, I was thinking about why I dislike Collectable Card Games today. One thing that really gets me angry is when the rules change. Just in general. Like the way I lost the Comcast job - I did my part according to the rules, and they changed the rules. One of the things I hate about driving is that there's all these rules, and also all these situations that supercede them. Anyway, what keeps CCGs fresh for other people is a disaster for me. Constant infusions of new cards and new rules mean frustration. That's why I haven't played Magic in ten years - I have a deck, I know the rules, but I'm afraid of what I'll encounter from my opponent. Split cards? Immunity to damage? Phasing? Kicker? If I can't predict my opponent, I might as well be playing a brick wall.
As a closing, I should mention that I actually really like this unnamed friend quite a bit. He's a good guy, and we've been hanging around for years. I'm glad he's got a strong interest. It's just kind of frustrating nowadays that we're not exactly into the same things anymore. Well, on the upside, his parents have a huge DVD collection, so maybe I can catch up on some western movies while I'm here. I'm thinking of rewatching the whole Star Wars saga. And I'm going to get the Firefly box set for his parents - his dad's been talking about how he likes Cowboy Bebop, so I think he'll love Firefly.
Friday, June 08, 2007
Fantasy Flight
A few days ago, I put in a bunch of applications to a game company in Minnesota, Fantasy Flight Games. I'm really hoping it works out - I'm well-qualified for all four positions I applied to, and I think I showed real enthusiasm for games. It's rather refreshing, really. I've been spending all this time trying to fit into a hole I was never really made for. Marketing, economics, all that jazz, it's background noise - it's not what I want to do.
I suppose it sounds all emo, but sometimes I look in the mirror and I don't know who I am. I got my hair cut short to find a job. I read business books and magazines, I apply to jobs at companies I don't like or respect. All I really want to do is sit down and have fun, gather around a table with some friends and play a good game.
FFG has the right culture for me, and I'd love to work there. The big hurdle (besides getting hired) is that we'd need to move to Minnesota. That's fine by me. I have short roots - I moved to California with hardly a look back, went to Japan, moved to San Francisco - I keep the connections I cherish, but I have no regrets when I say goodbye. It'll be a challenge to move across the country, but no more of a challenge than trying to pay rent on a place in San Francisco. If this works out, I'm thinking I'll move out there for a few years. See what I can do, what kind of name I can make for myself. If that goes well, maybe move over to WotC, Sega, something closer to San Francisco.
I wish I felt worse about it, I really do - all my friends up here deserve that. But if I can land what is, essentially, my dream job, I think the good will outweigh the bad.
I suppose it sounds all emo, but sometimes I look in the mirror and I don't know who I am. I got my hair cut short to find a job. I read business books and magazines, I apply to jobs at companies I don't like or respect. All I really want to do is sit down and have fun, gather around a table with some friends and play a good game.
FFG has the right culture for me, and I'd love to work there. The big hurdle (besides getting hired) is that we'd need to move to Minnesota. That's fine by me. I have short roots - I moved to California with hardly a look back, went to Japan, moved to San Francisco - I keep the connections I cherish, but I have no regrets when I say goodbye. It'll be a challenge to move across the country, but no more of a challenge than trying to pay rent on a place in San Francisco. If this works out, I'm thinking I'll move out there for a few years. See what I can do, what kind of name I can make for myself. If that goes well, maybe move over to WotC, Sega, something closer to San Francisco.
I wish I felt worse about it, I really do - all my friends up here deserve that. But if I can land what is, essentially, my dream job, I think the good will outweigh the bad.
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